Full Episode: Do You Have Anxiety And Not Know It? | The Mel Robbins Show

– [Host] Today. – Work. – Money. – [Host] What are you anxious about? – Everything. – Oh my God, do I have anxiety? Worrying could be triggering
your physical symptoms. There really is a brain-gut connection. The five anxiety warning
signs you should never ignore. Today on Mel. (audience cheering)
(clapping) – [Audience] Five, four, three, two, one! (cheering)
(clapping) – Wow! Hi everybody! Hello! Hi everyone! Hey, how are you? Welcome, welcome, welcome! Thank you. I’m Mel Robbins and if there’s one show you need to watch this
season, it’s this one. I’ve been a life coach helping
people across this country for a decade and the number one topic people reach out to me
for help with is anxiety. Now I love words of wisdom and
so, this quote spoke to me. Anxiety always begins with a worry. So, what are you worried about right now? And how would you know
if it was just a worry or the sign of something deeper? Well today, we’re talking
about the five warning signs that you may have anxiety
and don’t know it. If you feel symptoms of
anxiety or every day things make ya feel anxious, I want
ya to listen up and take notes. Now, we went to social media
and asked the question, “What do you worry about and how does that “show up as anxiety?” Take a look at this. – I worry about my rent, bills, money! – I constantly worry
about my family, work, my overbooked schedule. – I worry about my
daughter and our future. – I worry about my relationship,
daughter, and bills. – I worry about everything. – Sometimes, the fatigue is so intense, I won’t even open up the mail! I let it stack up. – At bedtime, my brain
doesn’t wanna shut off. I start going down the
rabbit hole and I can’t stop. – Every time I get a bill
for my student loans, my back and shoulders get so tense. It’s like I hold all of
my stress in my neck. – One time, I came home from
a very stressful work trip and my entire bathroom was flooded. My stomach became a mess. I was literally keeled over in pain. (intense music) – I go to bed tired, I wake up tired. It’s like I never went to sleep! – One time, I was standing in a long line at the grocery store and
my heart started racing. I got so nervous, I had to get
out of the line immediately. I don’t know if it was the
sensation of being claustrophobic but my heart was going a mile a minute. (heart thumping)
(intense music) – Well, joining me are
Nedra, Rachel, and Nicole and here are the five warning
signs that your worries may be becoming anxiety and the
first sign is feeling tired. So Nedra, in the video that we just saw, you said that your worries
are rent and money issues and that whenever you start to think and worry about these
things, you feel tired. So, could you describe for me, what is that like in your body? – Tired in my body feels
like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and
when I say a weight, I’m talking a literal weight. It camps out at the back of my neck between my shoulder
blades and it feels like I can barely put one foot
in front of the other. At times, it feels like when
I’m just climbing the steps going into my house, feels like
I’m climbing Mount Everest. – Wow. Well, the second warning sign
that you may have anxiety is digestive issues and you know, in researching this show,
I thought it was just like having an upset stomach
but you know what I came to realize? That there are members of
my family that when they get anxious, they get constipated. I’m not gonna name names,
but I know that ya know, this is something that runs in my family. And Rachel, I know that
you’re worried about family and about your crazy schedule and so, when you worry about those things, describe what happens in your body. – Well, I actually have the opposite. I coined a term, it’s called E-B-M, emergency bowel movement (laughs). – That’s a very polite
way to say what I think a lot of us have experienced before. – Yes, you like that? So, yeah, I actually have
the opposite problem, but I have a nervous stomach. So, when I get stressed, I have
like physical manifestations where I keel over in pain. It literally feels like
my stomach is doing like massive crunches on its own. I wish there were actual
results, ya know, from that. But, a six pack would
be great, just saying. But yeah, so I just ya
know, I either feel like I ate something terrible
and I need to vomit or like I said, the EBM, ya know, like I have to go to the bathroom. – [Mel] Like right now. – Yeah, like right now. Otherwise–
– So, what triggers the EDM? – I think that it’s
really when I’m under a stressful situation that
I have no control over. I may or may not be type
A, ya know, kinda person. So, a little bit. – A little bit, I think, got ya. – Yeah, little bit. – Now, the third warning sign
that you may have anxiety is difficulty concentrating and Nicole, I know that you are
worried about your daughter and your career and your rent. Sounds like, ya know, some of
the things that I worry about when I think about my two daughters and when you start to
worry about those things, what happens in your body? What do you feel? – I have this point
where I’m just lagging. All day, I am dragging,
I can’t concentrate. It would take me three
hours to make a short meal and then, during those three
hours, after it’s passed, I did nothing because I
start a project and then, I’m thinking about another
project I should’ve done and that won’t get,
the concentration level is completely gone. I can’t focus on anything. – Do other people around
you notice a difference? – [Nicole] Very much so. – Really? – I have a four-year-old and
she looks at me and asks, “Are you okay, Mom?” ‘Cause I look like I’m just zoning out. I droned out to nowhere
and just staring into space but I’m trying to think,
trying to concentrate on the task at hand and people can see it. It’s in my face. – Huh, ya know, difficulty concentrating can also be a sign of
a lot of other things. Like for me, personally, menopause, or even just general stress
and so, I wanna introduce an expert in this field,
board certified psychiatrist, Dr. Sue Varma. She’s treated many people
with anxiety in her practice. In fact, a recent study
revealed over one million people visit the ER every year due to anxiety related warning signs. She’s here to help us make
sense of these physical warning signs that we’re talking about. (clapping) So, Dr. Varma, TIME
magazine reported this year that there’s a 40% rise
in anxiety in America and a million people going
to the emergency room with these signs that
turn out to be anxiety. What is going on? – Ya know, so many
people’s anxiety manifests in physical symptoms for
a variety of reasons. Number one, culturally,
it’s more acceptable. Because of stigma, a lot of
times, people are saying, “Things are not going well in my life,” but they don’t know how to get the help and then physically, some
of these manifestations, they just take over. I mean, people are presenting
to the emergency room with symptoms of heart attacks! Palpitations, heart racing, sweating, pain radiating to the
left shoulder and jaw, which are classic heart attack symptoms and they feel like their
world is out of control and they’re dying and I say to them, by the time they get to me, is number one, you’re not dying. You’re still alive. And number two, we’re gonna
get you the right diagnosis because a right diagnosis
leads to the right treatment. – Now, a lot of what we’re
talking about in this show are not only the five
physical signs that you may be dealing with some anxiety, but also the connection between worrying and how that can trigger physical signs. – Yes. – So, I talked about
the fact that ya know, there’s this connection between
worry and how it triggers things in your body. Can you talk about it
in your professional, ya know, practice, and what
your opinion is about this? – Yes and you know, it really
is a chicken or the egg situation where we don’t
know what’s happening. Sometimes, or some people,
worry is the predominant sign of anxiety. So, think of anxiety as this
umbrella where you’ve got the psychological
component, the ruminating, the worrying, the what
if, the catastrophizing, thinking about the worst case scenario, and for some people, that’s
the predominant situation. For other people, it’s
talking about the stomach. I wanna go to the bathroom. I don’t wanna go to the bathroom. My heart’s racing, I’m sweating,
I feel shoulder tension, I feel pain, I feel tired. But, sometimes, the
physical manifestations triggers the brain and says
there’s something wrong in your environment. What’s wrong? And then you start to scan the environment and look for problems. Maybe that don’t exist. Maybe they exist, but then
your brain puts a spin on it. For some people, it’s physical. For some people, it’s psychological and for some people, it’s both. – Oh my, that was exactly
what it was like for me. My anxiety was the worst
when I was in law school. – Wow. – And I’d wake up and
I’d have a stomach ache and I would literally feel
the stomach ache and go, “That’s a sign, there’s
something really wrong.” But then I would go through my day looking for what I could be anxious about. – [Dr. Varma] Yes. – That’s really, really interesting. When we come back, we’re gonna
reveal the five key words that Dr. Varma hears
every day in her practice that signals hmm,
someone might actually be suffering from anxiety. Stay with us.
(clapping) Up next. What happens in your body
when you start to worry? – My heart is racing. I feel like I’m in fight or flight. – So, if you are watching this and you’ve got one of these signs, is that something to go
and talk to somebody about? And later, she says it’s her
mom’s way or the highway. – She thinks she’s right about everything. My kids don’t even listen to me anymore. (light music)
(clapping) – I’m Mel Robbins and
today, we’re talking about the five warning signs
you may have anxiety and don’t know it. Joining me are Taneika and Chelsea and clinical psychiatrist, Dr. Sue Varma is here.
(clapping) We’re focusing on how
the worries in your mind can trigger physical symptoms in your body and how to know whether
these symptoms may be a sign that you need help with anxiety. So, the fourth warning sign
that you may have anxiety is muscle aches and Taneika, I know this is something
that you can relate to and what you said in
the video is that you’re worried about money. So, when you start to worry about money, what do you feel physically? – So, those student loans,
they’re outta control. So, when I am feeling back
pain, it comes outta nowhere. I could get the bill,
see it and it’s just like (sighs) my back starts
to hurt, my shoulders, I feel it all I here. My shoulders, it feels like
one of those stress balls. You squeeze it and you let it go. Like that’s what the muscle feels like. – [Mel] Ouch. – Yeah. – And what have you done in
the past to try to relieve that muscle ache when
you start to feel it? – So I’ve gone to the chiropractor. I’ve had massages. The chiropractor has been
the best treatment for me. I also find myself at
my desk rolling my back, stretching, doing shoulder movements.
– Doing one of those, yeah. – Sometimes it gets so bad
that I have to lay on the floor flat and try to stretch. – Wow! So Dr. Varma, I have to admit, even though I do this a lot at my desk, I learned something on this show. Muscle aches and anxiety, for real? – Yes, ya know, your muscles
are the number one place that your body is storing
stress and tension and it makes sense from an evolutionary point of view, right? We wanna shrink. If there was a bear
chasing us in the forest, if we’re not running, then
we’re definitely gonna be hiding and we become smaller. That’s the sad part about
anxiety for me is that people end up becoming or
feeling smaller as a result of their worries. – So, is the muscle ache
a result of your posture contracting and you don’t
– Yes, yes. – realize it? – And also, when you
think of tension headaches which have to do with
tightness in the neck muscles, right?
– Oh, something just happened. What happened, Taneika? – The tension headaches,
you mentioned like, I feel it all in here
every, almost every day. – Yes, ’cause you’re clenching your jaw, you’re tightening your neck, you’re stiffening muscles
up and you’re in this fixed, rigid position for a long time. – That’s why I love this
show ’cause I always learn something every single day. You know, doing this. (clapping) I didn’t realize that anxiety, ya know, I knew stress could happen that way, but I didn’t realize it
could be a sign of anxiety. So Dr. Varma, when patients come to you, what are the key words that
they use that let you know, hmm, we may be dealing
with a little anxiety here? – Sure, yeah, so people
will say anything from I feel worried, I feel
overwhelmed, I’m nervous, I’m stressed, I’m scared. These are usually the most
common words that sort of trigger in my mind,
aha, I know what you’re dealing with here. – So, if you are watching this
and you see those key words and you’re like yep, yep, yep,
check, check, check, check, and you’ve got one of these signs, is that something to go
and talk to somebody about? – Absolutely, ya know,
the thing that worries me is that when people think
that ya know, this is common, all of us, who doesn’t have stress, right? All of the things that everyone is talking about,
– Right. – right, with bills and
children, we all have it. But is it interfering
with your daily life? Is it affecting your ability
to be your best self? Is it paralyzing you? Is it making you shrink instead of coming forward
and doing something. That’s what worry does is
that it keeps us on a loop, this negative rumination loop. It doesn’t allow us to move forward. – Yeah and you don’t have to stay there. Chelses also has been
struggling with a little bit of anxiety and you’ve
got three big changes happening in your life, right? You’ve moved, you got a
divorce, you started school, and so, when you think
about all the new things that are happening in your life, what happens in your body
when you start to worry about? – Right now, I feel it. My heart is racing. I feel like I’m in fight or flight. I feel like people could see my heart beat out of my chest and my pulse
in my skin and my face. – That’s the fifth warning sign that you might be dealing with
anxiety, this racing heart. And by the way, I don’t
see your heart pulsing. Does anyone see her heart
pulsing out of her chest? But is that normal to have that pounding that she’s talking about
and the veins pulsing? – Yes and sweating and it gets severe. A person might feel dizzy,
maybe might even feel nauseous. They may feel like they wanna faint. They feel out of control. – Well, the issue with
doing a show like this is as you’re watching at
home, you’re thinking, oh my God, do I have anxiety? So, ya know, don’t worry. When we come back, we have
the foolproof science-backed solution that I use so my
worry doesn’t turn into anxiety and Dr. Varma is here
to give her advice too. (clapping)
(cheering) Coming up next. So, tell me something that
you’re really worried about and that you think a lot about right now. What steps can somebody take
that considers themselves a worrier or that may be exhibiting a sign but it’s not too serious yet? – Yeah. – [Mel] And later, she
says her mom always has to be right and it’s just so wrong! – I’ve raised her and I’ve
taught her how to do things the right way. – The right way, her way. (clapping)
(upbeat music) – Welcome back. Earlier in the show,
I read you this quote. Anxiety always begins with a worry. And it’s so true because
if you weren’t worried, ya probably wouldn’t be feeling anxious. Well now that we know
the five physical signs, what can you do in order
to quiet your anxiety before it strikes? Five days ago, I put out a
call on MelRobbinsShow.com, asking what do you do when
anxiety starts to strike and so, let’s take a listen
to what you had to say. – Hi Mel, my name’s Marie. In my go to fix for anxiety
is when I sing in the shower. It really calms me down and
I feel like a superstar. – Hi Mel! I’m Rayne and when I’m feeling anxious, I like to go to my local flea market and dig through other people’s junk. – Hi Mel, my name is Jackie. My go to fix for anxiety is hm, curl up in my couch,
watch my favorite TV show, ate eat a bucket of fried chicken. – Hey!
(laughing) – Now I love fried chicken but I’ve never tried it for anxiety. The key for me has
always been to attack it where it starts and as
you learned on the show, it all begins with a worry
and I’ll explain how to do that in a minute, but
first, I wanna go to Dr. Varma. So, what steps can somebody
take that considers themselves a worrier or that
may be exhibiting a sign but it’s not too serious yet? What steps would you
recommend that they take? – Sure, the garden variety worrier is just the worrier amongst us, right? So it’s not full blown yet. It hasn’t really impacted your life. I like to do a couple of things. To attack the physical
aspect, one minute meditations that can be done anywhere, at your desk, if you’re parked in a car. Do that frequently throughout the day and not just deep breathing. Closing your eyes, finding
a comfortable spot, breathing in, exhaling through the mouth, inhaling through the nose. I like a worry diary. This, I’m really big on
writing and journaling and it takes five minutes
and the beauty of this worry journal is that you’re
writing all the things that you’re worried about but guess this. 85% of those things, research
shows, never actually happen and the 15% of the time that they do, we are actually better
equipped to handle it than we give ourselves credit. – So, the worry diary, just
dump it all on a piece of paper. Gotcha.
– Dump it all in and do it, you get
desensitized by it over time ’cause it’s the same worry
over and over and over again and seven days later, you’ll look at it
– Oh, that’s interesting. – and you’ll realize,
these things never happen and I tell people, go
back and actually write the final outcome and
it’s interesting because the thing that you
thought was gonna happen most often doesn’t. – So you start to realize
you prove your worries wrong. – Exactly. – And what was the third thing? You said meditation,
you said a worry diary and said there was one more thing. – And it’s called progressive
muscle relaxation. So it’s like muscle group by muscle group, you tense and you relax. You tense and you relax. And it’s teaching your body
the difference between tension which we’re always
living in and relaxation. And you do it muscle group by muscle group and they’re on YouTube, 10 minutes. It’s something very simple
to do and that’s actually proven to reduce people’s anxiety. – I love that. Three steps. Here’s another one and I
wanna focus on you, Chelsea, and teach you how to do it
’cause this is something that helped me really quiet
the anxiety that I’d struggled with for 25 years. You’re gonna use a process we
talk about a lot on this show called think this, not that. Okay, we’re gonna attack the worry. So tell me something that
you’re really worried about and that you think a lot about right now. – Right now, I’m heading
back into the classroom. It’s a new school year and last year, I had taken a mental health day from work and when I went back to work the next day, a colleague called me and said, “Your kids were terrible,
they were so disrespectful. “They were so rude,” and I said, “I know. “That’s why I had taken
the mental health day.” And I never went back. – [Mel] Never went back to work? – I never went back to that job. – So when you think about
going to this next job, what are the thoughts
that are starting to spin? Just, let’s do a verbal stress diary. Use Dr. Varma’s advice. – Sure, so, another thing
we say in that classroom is like, it’s being in
an abusive relationship. So I love it but I’m
afraid of the emotional and verbal abuse and potential physical that I could have in the classroom. – So you’re bracing for it. – Definitely, that’s an excellent word. – Okay so, if you’re
worried about walking into a worst case scenario, you’re
already gonna be on edge. And that is going to set
you up to be triggered by just about anything. So it’s critical to not only
do the three steps she’s talking about but to start to
combat the pattern of worrying even though you have
evidence from last year. I want you to think of something and something just came to mind. So when the worry starts
to pop up, oh my God, these kids are gonna be verbally,
they might be physically, I might be in danger, I want you to say, “No matter what happens,
I can figure it out.” No matter what happens, I’ll survive. Another thing you could say,
(clapping) I’m gonna give you one more. The kids that are in my classroom are meant for me. So, which one of those
feels settling to you. – The first one. No matter what happens, I’ll survive. – Okay, let’s practice. – Okay. – So, when the worry
happens, you’re gonna use my five second rule to clobber the worry. So you’re gonna count backwards. Five, four, three, two, one. And then we’re gonna
say the new thing, okay? This is almost like a
combination of what you’re talking about ’cause you’re
verbally doing the stress diary and now, you’re writing a different line. This is think this, not that. So, I want you to think about,
describe the worry for me. – That I will be emotionally
and mentally abused. – Great, now use the five second rule. Five, four, three, two, one. Count backwards and now say what you’re gonna insert instead. – No matter what happens, I will survive. – [Mel] Great, now how do you feel? – That’s awesome.
(clapping) – Yeah, what just happened in your body? – What you just did with your hand, it was like a whoosh,
like a oh, ya know what? No matter what happens, I will survive. – I believe it too. We’ll be right back. (cheering)
(clapping) Coming up, is there help
for the mom who always has to be right? I understand your daughter
did give you a nickname. – CL. – CL, what is CL. – Crazy lady. – Crazy lady?
– Yeah. (laughing) – So we got two piles. What would you do with the socks? Denise, you’re apoplectic. She is bout to jump outta her skin. – I see people in the
audience going like this. And later, can body language
sabotage your relationship? – I could just feel her
like rolling her eyes like she looks like she’s
gonna blow up or something. – She looks like she’s
gonna blow up right now ’cause she already crossed her arms and shifted her weight. (cheering)
(clapping) Welcome back, I’m Mel Robbins. You know I love a quote and
I think this one’s hilarious. I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right. Right, is that not so funny? Janice wrote it asking
for help with her mom who is always explaining why she’s right. Watch this. – Hey Mel, it’s me, Genise. I need your help. I am in a crisis. My mother thinks she’s
right about everything. From the smallest things
to the biggest things, my mom things her opinion is
the only opinion that matters. How do I handle this? What do I do? I need your help, Mel. – Ya know, I was watching you, Mom, as that tape was going and
I noticed you did something that I often do. You went and stuck your chin out. What was happening as you saw that tape? – I can’t believe that that she thinks– – That I was right. – I can’t believe that she
thinks that I know everything. – So you don’t think that’s how you are? – No, I don’t.
– Okay, well let’s find out. So, describe your mom for me. – I love my mom. – [Mel] Of course! – Don’t get me wrong. But it’s just that she insert her opinion and thinks she’s right about everything. I mean, from my career
to my two little babies to even parking my car, it’s crazy! – Really, parking your car? – Parking my car. – Uh oh, I don’t think your mom agrees but I understand your daughter
did give you a nickname. – [Genise] CL. – That’s crazy.
– CL? What is CL? – Crazy lady. – [Mel] Crazy lady? – Yeah.
(laughing) – That’s true, they call me crazy lady. – Me and my two sisters. – She calls me crazy lady and
that’s a name that’s not true because they call me crazy
because of the fact that I, the things that I do and the
way that I do my things– – My kids don’t even listen to me anymore. They listen to my mom because
they see how she comes in and implements things and they feel like, “Okay well, Gran Gran
has the last say so.” – Oh man, so paint me a picture though about some of the opinions
that your mom, Denise, has. – Oh okay, you wanna go into that. – Oh I wanna go specifics, yes. – Okay, it’s starting to
be like, I have a bench outside of my house. – [Mel] Yeah. – And with the bench, I have
some pretty blue pillows. – Okay. – Any my mom– – [Mel] Yeah, we have pictures of them from what I understand. Oh there they are.
– There it is. – [Mel] Okay. – So that’s my way. Like decorative diamonds.
– That’s how you like the pillows, yes, and you
like em as the diamond, okay. – [Genise] That’s me, I love that! – [Mel] Yes, that’s so cute. – [Genise] That’s my mom. – [Denise] The right way. Comfortable.
– Wait. So you change the pillows
when you come over? – [Genise] Change it.
(laughing) – Because we sit on
the her porch a lot so, diamonds, it’s not comfortable and it doesn’t even look right. – When you’re not sitting
there, you put em back diamond-shaped, it’s
pretty, it’s decorative. – And then she puts em back the other way. – Yes, without me knowing. She’ll go inside the
house and I’ll get our, both of us will go inside. I’ll get snacks for us to
sit and have mother time and then, she’ll, while
I’m getting the snacks, she’ll be outside on the porch fixing the pillows,
– Taking the pillows. – my flowers, everything, and I’m like, “Mom, come in here “and just give me some time!” She’ll go in the kitchen, redo everything. – I have to help her. I feel as though as a parent– – Help. – As her mother, I feel as
though I need to help her and you know, I raised her and
I taught her how to do things the right way, so I would rearrange or–
– The right way her way. – See, it’s so cute ’cause
you said I don’t do that and then you just said the right way. – The right way. – Yes and I understand
that pillow placement. That is extremely important, I understand. But you brought some evidence, right? – Yeah, yeah. – So, let’s see the evidence. I think it’s right over here. – All right. – So, tell me what you brought. – Okay so, when I go to my mother’s house to drop my kids. I’m on the road a lot. So, I bring my kids to my mom because that’s the only person I trust and I don’t wanna hear her say anything. So, I pack my kids dry
fruit, dry vegetables, or sometimes, probably the
unhealthiest thing that I’ll pack them is Cheez-Its. She called it boring.
– No sweet in the bag. – She says it’s boring. – Why no sweets? – Because my son is a diabetic. – Okay. – So, I don’t want, you know, and plus, it’s the new wave, you
have to eat healthy. (laughing) So my mom, I come to pick
them up after I get done with my job and this is what I get, a whole back of this. It’s like a big. No, no, let me show you, Mel. It’s a big bag!
– Thin mints in there! – It’s a big bag like
this that she send my kids home with and full of this. You have your gum,
– Every kid, sucker, you even have
– every kid needs something chocolate.
– sweet to eat. And I know it’s not at
her home, so I send it with them.
– No. – Denise, what do you have to say about yourself?
– The whole candy tree is what she sends home. – She said it was like a Halloween bag. – Yeah. – And are you concerned
about the diabetes? – I am and we never had a problem. We haven’t had a problem
with his diabetes. I take his insulin. – Look at you laughing about this. – We take his insulin
level, his sugar levels. – She feel like my son know how to take care of his self.
– How old is your son? – He’s five! – [Mel] Five? – [Genise] Five. – So diabetes, shot in the leg diabetes. – Yes, type one. – And he gives his own self
sometimes his own shots. He checks his own sugar. – He do but– – Is that why this bothers you? – Yes! And not even that, just say my daughter. She don’t have, she’s perfectly fine, but I don’t want her to be a candy addict. – Got ya. – She’s not a candy addict. Are you a candy addict? I raised them,
– I’m not. – I raised my, treat my grandchildren the same way that I treat
my or raised my children. – No, they’re, she spoils them way worse. We were never–
– Well, I understand there’s also something
about cleaning products? – Yeah because I raised them on Comet. (laughing) So, when I go to their home, she should have Comet in the cabinets. You know?
– Comet versus Ajax, they’re the same product. She says no, I’m fixin’
to show you the test. She does chemical tests
with me, scientists test. She’ll put Comet and wipe it here and then she’ll do Ajax and wipe it here, have me go in the other room
so I don’t know which side. – And which one be the cleanest? The Comet was the one that was. (laughing)
(clapping) – Oh my God, I love you two! You know who you’re reminding me of? You’re reminding me of
the fact that my Mom and I fight over whether or not you should use a dish rag or a sponge in the sink. – Dish rag. – That’s what my mother says and I use a sponge! – Whatever fits my
budget is what I’m using. – Oh my gosh, well, when we come back, there’s one more thing
Denise says she’s always worried about and you
won’t believe what it is. Stay with us. (cheering)
(clapping) Coming up, he’s calling out his girlfriend on her body language. – I could just feel her
like rolling her eyes or she just get really
tense like she looks like she’s gonna blow up. – So, have you ever told
her this or did you wait to bring this stuff to
the Mel Robbins show? – Oh no, I’m done, I’m not.
(clapping) (cheering)
(clapping) I am Mel Robbins. There’s absolutely nothing like a mother-daughter relationship. Yeah, of course you love your mom, but her constant need to
be right about everything like your haircut or the
way you clean your house or the way you put your pillows
or the raising the kids, it can drive just about anyone crazy and be the straw that
breaks the camel’s back and that’s why I love today’s quote: I’m not arguing. I’m simply explaining why I’m right. Now, I’m back with Genise
who says her mom, Denise, thinks she’s always
right about everything. (clapping)
– That’s true. – Genise, you say that your
mom even has a right way to do laundry. – You ready for this? – Yes, I am. Yes, go ahead, let me hear it. – It’s like she has, she
says it’s her four pile laundry routine but it’s like six piles. – All right so what are the six piles? There’s four piles,
what are the four piles? – Garments, towels, red, white, blue, orange, rainbow.
– Well here, let’s go an experience. Let’s do an experiment. So these are your clothes. Whoa, okay, here we go. There we go. Now, I want Genise, you to
separate and you can use this as a place too to separate things. If this were a pile of
laundry are your house. – How I would start it? – Yeah, how would you
separate this pile of laundry? – Okay, so I’ll do one color,
that for the darks, darks. – Uh oh, I can see Denise.
– Darks. – Okay, okay.
– There we go. So we got two piles. What would you do with the socks? Where do the socks go? – Socks over here. – Okay, what about these socks? – Yep, over there, okay. – Yep. – Denise, you’re apoplectic. What’s happening here?
– She is about to jump outta her skin. – [Mel] Yes, what’s happening, Denise? – Okay um– – [Mel] What’s happening? – For one thing, this would
go here ’cause you know, anything red will bleed
into the other colors. And then she has this black and white, I mean blue and white. So, this has two colors,
so this is a multi-color, so that’s gonna be separate. – I see people in the
audience going like this. – Okay, you have white, you have blacks, you have colors and you have specials. – That’s already more than four piles. – And if you have any
towels or face cloths, they go in another. – ‘Cause they’re heavier. Well that’s how I know this is my mother has these same rules. – Oh okay, I’m like Mel, you’re making me lose.
– And your mother is right. – She keeps using the word right. I’m not making you lose. So why do you only do two piles? – Because I work and
I’m always on the road. So long as the clothes are clean. (clapping) – Yes, yes. And when your mom starts to tell you that you’re doing it wrong,
like what happens for you? – I think I get super like, “Mom, you say you taught me. “So, let me do it.” It’s gonna be done right. – But I do that to save
her money because if you do put a little in the
whites, it’s gonna bleed. The red gonna bleed on there. She’s gonna have to buy new clothes. – Well that’s up to her.
– It saves her money. – Ya know, I think that
the right way to do laundry is however the person that’s doing it is doing it, right?
– Thank you, Mom. – That’s how, here’s the thing. Here’s the thing. I can tell you all this but
I wanna teach you something that you’ll remember. You ready?
– Okay. – Yes. – So, I want you to take
this straw and don’t worry, for everybody worried about
the sea, these are paper, not plastic, okay? I made sure to do that. And you’re going to balance it like that. Now how hard is it? I want you to now, you
start sorting laundry. (giggles) And how hard is it, she wants to talk! – She wanna do it bad. – See how hard it is? Okay, try again. (laughing) – Got a white sock. – Now tell her how you
want her to do laundry with the straw there. (sniffing) – [Genise] She’s gon’ make it stay. (clapping) She’s gon’ make a way. – Yes, so the reason why I’m doing this is ’cause it’s really
hard to fight the impulse and I want you to feel how fast you are to tell your daughter what to do. And I know you love her. – Yes, I do. – And I know you have her best interest. – The best. – And I know it drives her crazy. So now you have an
experience where you felt what it’s like to try to be quiet and now you have something you can say, which is, “Mom, remember the straw?” – Mom, remember the straw? – I love you but remember the straw? (clapping) All right, we’ll be right back. (cheering)
(clapping) Welcome back, I’m Mel Robbins. I’ve been coaching and
motivating millions of people around the world and
what I’ve learned is that what you say may express
some of what you mean but it’s actually your body
language that communicates something louder. Do your partner or loved ones ever ask about your day but
then they listen to you while they’re looking at their phone? Or how bout they ask for a hug
but then they give you that, I hate that hug where somebody
just taps you on the back, you know what one? Or they ask to go for a
walk but then they drag like three or four feet behind you. If you answered yes to any of these, your body language may be
sabotaging your relationship. Now, I’m here with body language expert, Blanca Cobb, and Fabian and Diana. Now, Fabian wrote in saying
that you’ve had enough of Diana’s mixed signals. – Oh, definitely. I mean, I could go into
detail on all the things but I’m just gonna go
with the bare minimum. I mean,
– Okay, let’s go. – she just washes dishes, leaves them full of soap
and water like nothin’. I go and I try to like
do a load of laundry and she does it and I already
see that it’s already washed and she doesn’t put it in the dryer. It’s like she’s the halfway person and I try very carefully
to like, confront her, but then I could just feel
her like rolling her eyes or she just gets really
tense like she looks like she’s gonna blow up or something. – Well she looks like she’s
gonna blow up right now ’cause she already crossed her
arms and shifted her weight, but are you guilty of being
like the halfway person? – I mean I guess I might
have occasional side eye or eye roll here and there and ya know, I guess I admit I sometimes do the dishes where I just leave them to soak or I leave the laundry in the dryer. I don’t like to put it away. I just don’t think it’s
that big of a deal. So, that’s ya know, hence the stank face or the side eye. – So, have you ever told
her this or did you wait to bring this stuff to
the Mel Robbins Show? – No, I’m done. (clapping) I was gonna take this to my grave. – [Mel] What?! – Yeah but I’m just so
thankful that you invited me, so now I can actually have this. – I’m like, “So, that’s
why we came to New York.” – Yeah, she didn’t think
we were doing something romantic or anything. – Well, you guys are dressed to the nine. So, clearly, you should take
her to do something romantic after this.
– Oh, thank you. – So, let’s fix this
right now and I have asked for the help of Blanca Cobb and I have an exercise, okay? (clapping)
Blanca is a body language expert. It’s been very interesting
to watch you guys. I can not wait to hear
what you have to say. You’ve been listening to this couple. They’re adorable but they’re arguing. How much of what we communicate is verbal versus body language? – Up to 70% of communication is non-verbal depending on the research study. So that means that words are important. They have an impact but
it’s like that old saying. It isn’t what you say,
it’s how you say it. So, your body language can
either support what you’re saying or it can betray you. – So Diana, I want you to
take a look at this photo and can you set the scene for us and describe what’s happening here? Oh my God, look how cute you two are. – Oh, well we’re about
to go to the dog park. So, we’re very happy to see our puppers go and socialize with other dogs and play and enjoy the sunshine. – Yeah and you’re even smiling
as you’re talking about it, as you see the two of you. Blanca, what do you see in
this photo of these two? – There are two big things that I see. One is that Diana is
leaning back on Fabian and when you’re going to
lean back on somebody, you have a lot of trust in that person to hold you up, to support your weight. Fabian is leaning forward. So, he’s leaning forward
to support her weight. So what he’s saying figuratively
and literally is like, “Honey, I got your back.” She also has this big smile on her face. So she’s feeling happy in that moment and if you have somebody, if you have a partner who has your back, you have every reason to smile. – Totally! And so, what would you say
about the body language that you are witnessing here today? – There is a disconnect
in the body language. What you pointed out
earlier, crossing the arms, shifting the weight,
doing a little eye roll, putting more tension onto me
than onto her partner, Fabian. I can totally see it, but
then if you look at her arm. I’m gonna point out something subtle. You have the arm, it’s
almost like a physical and psychological barrier
in between you two and her legs are also pointing my way. So it’s very different if you’re
opening up to your partner. If I do this or turn, I’m sure
you feel a little neglected. But if I turn to you, I’m facing you, and my shoulders are
towards you and then my leg is facing towards you too, it
sends a very big difference. – Diana, what are you
thinking as you hear this? – That makes a lot of sense. You’re engaging with the person that your body is pointed to towards more so. – You know, the next time
that you catch yourself kind of doing, I guess it
would be this to Fabian, right, I want you to be soft
with your partner, okay? It stands for smile, open posture, leaning into them or back
into them, and touching them. So let’s take a look at
what that would look like. Why don’t the two of you stand up? Let’s give it a try. Are you two professional
dancers or something? Okay, look at each other.
(laughing) Smile at each other, open
posture like you love each other, touch, oh man, okay, it’s getting steamy at the Mel Robbins show. (laughing) Look at how quickly that changed! Great job, thank you. – Thank you.
– Blanca Cobb. Thank you two. All right, we’ll be right back. (cheering)
(clapping) (upbeat music) Welcome back. I’ve spent the past decade
coaching and motivating millions of you to take
control of your life and Elizabeth is an
inspirational example of that. Elizabeth was right here
during my mindset reset show looking for the tools
to change her thoughts of a negative body
image to a positive one. Remember this? – When you look in the mirror, what’s the disgusting thing
that you say to yourself? – I don’t want people
to ever see how I look while I’m looking at myself in the mirror. – Ugh, I call that a junk thought when you trash yourself
and that trash talk, it didn’t last long. Elizabeth has taken the first
steps to regaining control of her health by changing
the way she talks to herself and she wanted to share it with you. Check this out. – Hey Mel, it’s Elizabeth. Thank you so much for all
the advice that you gave me on the mindset reset show. When I was on your stage,
I was just really feeling unhappy, insecure, and just
really disliking my body. But once we spoke, I knew
I had to make a change. So, I am back in the gym and
I have been going ever since and every day, I make sure I
five, four, three, two, one, get up and go and it’s all because of you. So, thank you, Mel. (cheering)
– Thank you, but you get the credit Elizabeth ’cause you’re doing the work. So keep telling yourself
you deserve to feel good. And finally, in case
nobody has told you today, let me be the one to tell
you that I believe in you and your ability to change
your life for the better. And as you learned on today’s show, always be aware of the
five big anxiety signs and be soft with the people you love. That’s why I’m here cheering
for you five days a week and reminding you that whatever
you’re facing, you got this. I’ll see ya next time.
(cheering) All right!
(upbeat music)

6 Replies to “Full Episode: Do You Have Anxiety And Not Know It? | The Mel Robbins Show

  1. I really like Mel Robbins but the show is very similar to dr Phil show which in turn makes me cringe especially in the beginning when the guests are talking about their dilemmas and it all seems staged. Pls be more authentic with this program because it does really have a huge potential.

  2. Excellent Work, I enjoyed it a lot!, See this New Album 'Monish Jasbird – Death Blow', channel link www.youtube.com/channel/UCv_x5rlxirO-WKjLIyk6okQ?sub_confirmation=1 , if you like to 🙂

  3. The part resonated with me when the Mom would rearrange things in her home. My Mother would come over and say, “ now honey feel free to change anything back “ I never even thought about it. Miss you Mom🥰

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